So why do we at Fatigues Clothesline choose to turn the uniform blouse inside out? It is more than the fact that what we write, draw or paint is easier to read. It is symbolic of the trauma that each survivor carried while serving his or her branch of service.
The uniform itself is symbolic: it stands for Honor, Courage and Commitment. Those who chose to wear it took an oath to serve and protect, ready to leave behind those we love to protect those who cannot protect themselves. No matter what we suffered, be it PTSD from combat or military sexual trauma (MST), we took pride in earning the title of our chosen branch. Why would we let those who abused us take away what we worked so hard for?
For those who survived MST, it can be worse that any other form of PTSD because no one wants to recognize it. Those who survived and reported the rape are later called whistle blowers. Those who didn't report it held it deep inside and carried on, having to put up with the pain in secret. Regardless of whether the rape was reported or not, both survivors kept secrets, from family and friends or from the world. We all suffered in silence.
Since we tend to carry the assault on the inside, we cover it up by wearing our uniform and standing tall. This is the reason why I chose to turn our uniform blouse inside out before we begin the project. What we write on the inside may bleed through sometimes, but even that has meaning: that our suffering altered the way we dealt with the world after the trauma of rape. PTSD began to set in and certain people took notice. Even though we wore or still wear our uniforms proudly, our symptoms filter through.
And this is why we perform the symbolic act of turning the blouse inside out before we begin painting and writing on it.
